how to deal with life

taking your work home with you

This is something that was inevitable, given who I am, but I was not expecting it to happen so soon. Three weeks in.

I was assigned a new case yesterday. It is still unofficial. I haven’t met the child yet. But I attended a team meeting yesterday and met the birth parents. The father is diagnosed with mental retardation and the mother evidently presents with some cognitive issues that weren’t diagnosed in childhood. I didn’t see anything during the meeting. Given what I know about her cognitive abilities, I was really surprised by how articulate she was. What is keeping these parents from adequately providing their 6 children with the care they need is unclear. What is clear, painfully, heartbreakingly clear, is that they love them. At least the mother does. Hearing a woman admit that she can’t care for her children and express gratitude to foster parents who are willing to take in her children and do the things parents need to do to attend to their needs, the same things they themselves can’t do, is heartbreaking.

On top of that, this 9 year old girl whom I have yet to meet is exhibiting some scary and bizarre behaviors. Self mutilation. Feces smearing.

I’m scared. I’m scared about my abilities to stay impartial. About my ability to really be able to help this family. I haven’t met this girl yet and I’ve already been thinking about her and her family nonstop ever since I heard about their case.

Sigh.

"To me, one of the most heartbreaking aspects of this issue is that of the sliver of kids who are successful - who defy the odds and make it to college (one statistic I read said only about 3 percent) , less than half actually finish. It makes sense; picture your first day of freshman year.

The scene likely includes being dropped off by at least one parent who sticks around long enough to help you set up your room, unpack, hug you tightly and tell you you’re loved, maybe they shed a tear or two before traveling back to your childhood home. The same home you probably returned to for Thanksgiving, Winter, Spring, and Summer break.

Now imagine how you’d feel if you didn’t have that, or where you’d go when the dorms close during the many breaks that take place during an academic year. These kids, even the ones who show hope and promise are alone, with no lifeline, and it’s heartbreaking.

Now, a psychotherapist in private practice, I work mostly through an attachment and neuroscientific lens. As human beings, we’re wired for connection - our survival depends on it as does our sense of self and emotional health. The relational trauma of going through life alone and unwanted is emotionally damaging, but it’s not without hope.

We’re resilient creatures and with the right resources, therapeutic help, and awareness, these kids do stand a chance; but first, as a society, we have to give a damn. In this moment, it’s my issue. My hope is that it will become your issue as well and that eventually kids who age out of the foster care system and are propelled in to adulthood have a soft place to land."

That’s My Issue: Foster Care - WNYC (via jasmined)

(via jasmined)